Friday, August 23, 2013

The most painful thing is losing yourself in process of loving someone too damn much. And forgetting you are special too.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Let me tell you a story, between a girl and a boy.

Girl
I hate that word. I hate love. Peoples always say it is unpredictable and spectacular. It is cool and fascinating. But it doesn't work on me. Love is just a bullshit. It's always hurting. Too damn much. Peoples said that falling in love is the greatest feeling. But they forget that falling is falling. Falling is down. Falling is hurting. It would be better in this condition. With many boys around me, try hard to approach me. But I choose to be blind. Don't judge me, Love who does it. Love already blinded me. I'll never be that stupid anymore. Never ever.

Boy
Love? Bullshit. This relationship? This all just an intermezzo. Make some fun with them. Honestly, I never know about love. Many girls around me, not a big deal to approach them. But, easy come easy go. I never felt 'love' that makes a relationship goes that long. Never felt the 'love' that makes someone willing to catch a grenade, throw their hand on a blade, jump in front of the train, take a bullet straight through their brain for their 'baby, honey, sweetie, sweetheart'. Maybe Bruno Mars is just one of those stupid guy. But, I don't evade that I always wonder how (exactly) love is? I just blind about it for so long.

Girl.
I met him.  Another boy, physically he wasn't too far with boys that always spinning around in my life. He was a stranger. Who brought a strange feeling too. It makes me worried. But I just don't know what I'm worry about.

Boy
I met her. Another girl, physically she wasn't too far with girls that always spinning around in my life. She was a stranger. Who brought a strange feeling too. It makes me confused. But I just don't know what I'm confused of.

Girl.
We met again. I found his thing. I didn't know from where I got that instinct which said it was his. I just knew, and I just did. That was our first short convos. Nervous but my hands weren't cold as usual. It warmed.

Boy
We met again. She found my thing. I wonder from where she knew it was mine. That was our first short convos. Nervous, my feeling was unstable. My hands were cold. So unusual.

Girl
Something isn't right. Why do my heart always wonder what next?

Boy
Something isn't right. Why do my heart always wonder what next?

Monday, August 12, 2013

You are seventeen :)

It's 12.00 a.m now.. and you are SEVENTEEN!
Happy sweet seventeen, Matahari :)

Saya nggak bisa berbuat apa-apa buat kamu. Surprise or anything to celebrate your birthday.
Saya sempat mikir untuk membuat scrapbook ttg kamu. Foto-fotomu sejak kecil waktu kamu umur 1 atau dua tahun, foto-fotomu sama mama papa dan kakak kamu. foto-fotomu waktu smp, foto-fotomu sekarang. foto-fotomu waktu kamu lagi struggle sama mimpimu.
But I can't.... sorry :)

Sayangnya, saya udah delete semua foto itu. Dan saya nyesel sekarang. Hah.. saya cuma berharap nyeselnya nggak berkelanjutan :) soalnya waktu saya delete foto itu saya berharap bisa melupakanmu.

Saya nggak bisa melakukan apa-apa, saya masih sembunyi dari kamu. Beside that, I'm in process.
Saya juga nggak bisa bilang ini ke kamu, directly. Bahwa kamu mengenal saya lebih dari kamu sendiri sadari. Saya nggak pernah tahu seperti apa saya di mata kamu. Saya sendiri nggak bisa ngomong jujur apa yang saya rasakan selama tiga tahun ini saya mengenal kamu. Tidak bisa. Mungkin untuk waktu dekat ini.

Happy birthday, Sunshine. Semoga kamu tidak bisa membaca tulisan ini. Saya harus mengumpulkan keberanian dari berjam-jam lalu buat ngepost hal ini di blog saya, yang saya yakin kamu nggak akan lihat. haha.

All the best yours, saya berdoa yang terbaik untuk kamu dan keluarga as always. Tetaplah menjadi cowok yang santai, yang nggak pernah ragu sama hidup, yang selalu berkata sama dunia bahwa every lil' things gonna be alright. Kamu adalah orang yang memiliki power, yang mungkin nggak kamu sadari. Saya lihat foto terakhir kamu. Kamu jangan sampai jadi anak nakal yang urakan!. Saya nggak suka!. You are more handsome in the first time we met, well you're always handsome~ Tapi saya lebih suka lihat kamu yang dulu, karena itu benar-benar kamu....

Oh iya satu lagi... kamu jangan nyakitin orang lagi. Please. Saya cuma bisa diem lihat tingkah laku kamu. Sakit sih, bikin cengeng pula. Tapi bodohnya, ada sesuatu dalam diri saya yang membuat saya mampu menerima itu. Silly me. Tapi yang saya percaya itu karna kamu punya alasan. there is a story why you are the way you are now. walau saya nggak tahu itu apa. Saya berharap kamu bisa bagi itu ke saya, dan for sure saya akan mengerti :)

Be older be better. Keep calm and stay strong!.
Dude, I never say this non-sense sentence but I'll say that:
You are always in my heart. Miss you. I care 'bout you. and...
ah, you know that word lah :)

HAPPY SWEET SEVENTEEN MY FIRST LOVE!
*teddy hugs*

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Happy Almost Birthday Honey Baby Sweetheart :)
I won't do anything. Because I can't. I promise you to stop being someone else, didn't I?
So I'll do it. Happy almost birthday, Sunshine...
Hampir saja aku nggak nepatin janjiku.
I said you good bye, but I'm not letting you go.
Just good bye, because I'll be back for you.
In it's time
In it's right time



WAIT FOR ME, LOVE!





Alay haha but i just cant say it directly

Honestly, it's simple. But not easy. Haha

my life will never be the same

mungkin ini alay. tapi mungkin bentar lagi beberapa orang akan merasa ada perbedaan dihidupku. ya.. mau nggak mau sih. kamu ngerti kan? ada saatnya harus ada beberapa orang yang keluar dari hidupmu atau kalau tidak keluar juga, kamu yang harus meninggalkannya.

and therefore, my life will never be the same again. aku harus melihat keluar layar. nggak boleh stuck sama orang-orang itu dan kejadian-kejadian yang terjadi. time runs. kalau nggak cepet aku akan bego sendiri bingung sendiri galau sendiri padahal who the hell cares with me, ya nggak?.

time runs. so I fly.

 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

kalau kamu merasa ada yang salah denganku. jangan salahkan. kamu mengenalku dengan baik, dan kau harusnya tahu benar aku tidak akan melakukan sesuatu tanpa alasan. maka aku akan bilang dari awal, kalau kau merasa aku berubah begitu jauh. itu karna aku punya alasan. too many reasons. salah satunya karna you deserve it! REALLY