Sunday, September 7, 2014

satu setengah jam lagi

satu setengah jam lagi. untuk menunggu pengumuman itu.
I'm not talking about the result actually. I mean yes, but not tend to that.
I'm talking about me and God.

Again and again, aku diperhadapkan pada situasi ini. rasa deg-degan, menampilkan yang terbaik, mengembangkan talent and all abilities that God gives to me. antara gelisah dan optimisme. tentang mempertanyakan keinginan Tuhan dalam hidupku.

Aku bicara bukan soal lombanya. aku bicara soal perjalanan imanku, pendewasaan imanku. I never expected I can be this far before. Never. Ya, because know Him this deep was just a wishful thinking for me. dan sekarang aku diperhadapkan pada level yang baru. bukan seorang anak. but a servant...

servant is different.  servant not talking about His abundant grace, all the bless, all the easy way to reach, a low level challenges, reputation, image, and everything. not about all the facilities that I could get when it is in child level. well, His bless and love are everlasting but yeah.. di level ini gak ada manja. servant is exactly talking about nothing. yes, nothing. emptiness. no reputation. no rewards. forgotten. being no one in the world. because everything is not about me anymore but all about Jesus.

it's hard to do. and this noon will be the parameter of myself.

God zegene ik.